Have you ever been with someone and then afterwards wondered what on earth you saw in that person? There was this guy – the first guy I was with after the Husband convinced me to start cuckolding him. He’s the only one who knew that I was already married. It didn’t start out that way, but I felt guilty and told him the truth. He wanted to continue seeing me. I think he actually cared for me … and I cared for him (otherwise I wouldn’t have felt guilty and told him the truth).
However, as time went on, he started turning into a little drama queen. He started telling me fantastic stories about his life. We broke up and then got back together several times (the Husband wanted us to get back together again). I was losing interest, and when he told me that he was getting back together with his ex-girlfriend, I ended things for good.
It’s been about 6 months now since I’ve been out on a date. The last fuck adventure I had (with someone other than the Husband) was with the PhD student. I ended on a positive note, but I haven’t missed the texting or the dating or the extramarital sex.
For the past few months, the Husband has been bugging me about fucking other people again. I told him that I wasn’t interested – that I’d already done it and while there were some good points, I didn’t care to do it anymore. The Husband thinks that the bad parts were due to my having to lie so he wants me to get back together with this first guy, the guy who knows that I’m married and was okay with it. I still wasn’t interested until the Husband told me that I could basically have whatever I wanted if I would cuckold him again.
The problem is that now when I think about the first guy, I keep thinking of his faults. I don’t find him physically attractive anymore and I find him to be stupid. He doesn’t read, his spelling in texts is atrocious, he smokes (disgusting to me), and he has awful taste in movies (who in their right mind likes Oblivion?!). The Husband thinks that I’m being too harsh on him, but I don’t think so. I think that, because he was the first guy, I didn’t really have any standards.
So … the big question is do I fuck this guy? Getting whatever I want from the Husband would be a good deal, except I don’t know how long I would have to fuck this guy. I could do it once, but I don’t know if I do it multiple times, given that I’m somewhat repulsed by him now.
So I let this post sit in draft mode for a few little while. Today, the Husband and I had a talk and came up with a written agreement. I have to fuck this Loser for 5 months (freedom = Feb 28th) and he will never bring up the cuckolding thing again for the rest of our lives.
I’m not very good at hiding my feelings, but I’m going to have to be a damn good actress for the next five months. I’m going to have to pretend to like the Loser because not only do I have to fuck him, I have to date him. This is worse for me than just an occasional fuck over a 5-month period. After this, though, after five months of revulsion (the Husband will tell you I’m being dramatic, but whatever, he isn’t the one who has to fuck and spend time with someone he finds disgusting), I will be free …
I may be turning to this blog to vent about the Loser since I have to be so nice to him.